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MY PORTFOLIO
PROGRAMMER PROMISE ONALEYE
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TEN FACT ABOUT YOU
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MY LOCATION
Police:- Where do u live?
Me:- With my parents.
Police:- Where does ur parents live?
Me:- With me.
Police:- Where do u all live?
Me:- Together.
Police:- Where is ur house?
Me:- Next to my neighbors house.
Police:- Where is your neighbors house?
Me:- If i tell you u wont believe me.
Police:- Tell me
Me:- Next to my house…
🤣🤣🤣😂😂 -
I wasn’t drunk
FRIEND: You were so drunk last night…
ME:- No I wasn’t!
FRIEND:- You called a taxi to take you home.
ME:- Yes so I will not be involved in an accident.
FRIEND:- OMG! .. The party was at your house!
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
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LIE DETECTOR
Akpos bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: …
Akpos :- Son where were you today during school hours?
SON :- At school (robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind) Okay I went to the movies!
Akpos :- Which one?
SON :- Harry Potter (robot slaps Son again!) Okay I was watching p*rn.
Akpos :- What? When I was your age I didn’t even know p*rn! (robot slaps Akpos)
MUM : hahahahaha! After all he is your Son! (robot gives Mum a hot slap)
(Akpos fainted)
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
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SMART NOT DULL
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,
“This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,
“Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber.
“That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied,
“Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
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LOVE YOU BOTH
Father:- Which one do you love more , me or Mommy?
Son:- I love you both.
Father:- Very Well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son:- Japan.
Father:- See, that you love Mommy more than me?
Son:- No, I just want to visit Japan.
Father:- Very well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son:- France.
Father:- See
Son:- No its just because I have already visited Japan.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
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THE TOY CAR
In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game.
The cashier: – Are you stupid? This isnt real money!
Peter:- Youre stupid. The car is not real either.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
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WHO IS THE IDIOT?
Son:- Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad:- An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him cant understand him. Do you understand me?
Son:- No.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
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MIND YOUR BUSINESS
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked,
“What are you doing?” “Playing a game,” the boy replied.
“What is your name?” the officer questioned. “Mind Your Own Business.”
Furious the policeman inquired, “Are you looking for trouble?!” The boy replied, “Why, yes.”
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
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THREE SON
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, “I built a big house for our Mother.”
The second said,”I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”
The third smiled and said, “Ive got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she cant see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Hes one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.” Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks,
“Milton,” she wrote one son, “the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”
“Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isnt what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!”
“Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!”
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
1. You’re reading this now.
2. You’re realizing that this is a stupid fact.
4. You didnt notice I skipped number 3.
5. You’re checking now.
6. You’re smiling.
7. You’re still reading this even though it is stupid.
9. You didnt realize I skipped number 8.
10. Youre checking again and smiling because you fell for it again.
11. Youre enjoying this.
12. You didnt realize I said 10 facts not 12.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
I LOVE PROGRAMMING
ABOUT**:-
Promise Onaleye
CEO & Founder
Onaleye promise is a web developer dealing with html,css, javascript
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